Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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