I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
