need another drink. this is the easiest way
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
