I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
