so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
