i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
