she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This is the high leading the old right now
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
