they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
