pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
