just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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