So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
