I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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