if you like me you must not know who I am
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
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