It's like God shit irony all over that family
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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