my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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