my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
