shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
