sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
