Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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