So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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