this just has baby written all over it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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