btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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