I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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