hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
