Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
