My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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