I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
