i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
