So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we're making bets on your personal life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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