Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
