If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
