Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
