it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
