i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
