sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
