I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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