for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
