His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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