i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
