im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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