i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
