So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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