this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and she was petting her beer can
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
