for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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