you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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