farters have to be the big spoon...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
