If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
