It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
