God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
