lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
