True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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