would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
