so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
