i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
